Tag: qualities

Empathy and sympathy are two different things entirely, says author and researcher Brené Brown. The former fuels connection and the latter drives disconnection according to Brown.

“Empathy is feeling with people,” she says.

In the short, charming and spot-on video below, Brown cites nursing scholar Theresa Wiseman‘s four things we must do to empathize:

1. See another’s perspective
2. Avoid judgement
3. Recognize emotion
4. Communicate all of the above

I’m sharing this because empathy is a cornerstone of relationship-centered dementia care. We need to get into the space and reality of our person who lives with dementia, and to empathize with him or her in order to provide the kind of care she or he needs and deserves. Easier said than done, I know!

Have a look and listen:

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Image copyright: elen1 / 123RF Stock Photo

My fb friend mary missy taylor issued an invitation. Here’s what she said:

“We live in turbulent troubled times. And it’s easy to be swept up in all that is dysfunctional, uncertain, and frightening. I propose to write a list of twenty things I love and challenge friends to do the same. Your format can be a numbered list, or something more creative such as a poem. For those who wish to participate, please encourage a friend or two you know to do the same. Let’s spread LOVE today.”

Here’s my list:

1 ) my sky tonight (pictured above), and all the others before and after it

2 ) the generosity of a “stranger” i met for five minutes a decade ago who believes that when we invest in girls and women, we invest in changing the world for the better. This stranger has since regularly gifted me with inspiration, hope, faith, love, courage, determination and passion for no reason other than we are all connected and somehow instruments of the universe

3 ) stepping outside and hearing the sound of chickadee wings as they fly to and from the feeder by the window

4 ) a little grey cat who still has the energy to chase a string in a circles and the strength to hop up onto my bed at night where she curls up on the quilt with her motor running

5 ) a defiant #blacklivesmatter poet with turquoise lips that matched her multicoloured coat

6 ) tears that never seem to stop, ever

7 ) wood burning in the fireplace I’ve been lucky enough to sit in front of on winter nights for the past five years, and which makes me think of Joan of Arc every time.

8 ) the heart beat and hard beat of driving rain against my bedroom window panes this morning before dawn

9 ) pulling brown-eyed susans out of the front garden with my frien naisi just after the rain stopped, knowing she will transplant them in her garden and remember me ever autumn when they bloom

10 ) baked salmon with mustard glaze and broccoli with lemon and butter accompanied by bourgoigne aligoté

11 ) jacqueline novogratz and her work

12 ) 70% dark chocolate

13 ) dried hydrangeas in several different-sized baskets thanks to the angel who used to cut mom’s hair

14 ) the joy of writing rhyming poetry that pops into my consciousness and then drops onto a page or a keyboard like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle

15 ) leah bisiani’s take on being a care partner: “Together, the care partner, the person requiring care and those who care for them, should join as one so that life continues as they all desire and deserve. The gift of life isn’t singular nor one way, because we all have the opportunity and the privilege that comes with caring for each other in a way that enhances the experience. Love does conquer all and living with dementia can never diminish true love. No condition ever does. Just so poignant and touching.”

16 ) the ripple effect

17 ) amazing women who stand on stages everywhere and tell their worldwide stories of tragedy and triumph, tears and fears and thus create cracks and fissures that let the light in and cause healing to begin

18 ) the tick tock tick tock of my mother’s antique clocks marking time, still.

19 ) lists, especially ones like this one, this one, and this one that help care partners transform their experiences

20 ) mary missy taylor’s take on what not to say to someone who is grieving

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Being a dementia care partner to my mother who lived with Alzheimer disease was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was also one of the most rewarding. Like millions of others worldwide, I was drafted into the role knowing nothing about dementia or even about being a carer. I learned a lot over 10 years.

Here are 15 essential qualities (in no particular order), that I feel a care partner must either possess initially or acquire during the process of caregiving in order to survive being a care partner for any length of time:

1. Courage: the ability to do something that frightens one
2. Determination: firmness of purpose; resoluteness
3. Compassion: sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others
4. Flexibility: the quality of bending easily without breaking
5. Creativity: the use of the imagination or original ideas
6. Stubbornness: dogged determination not to change one’s attitude or position
7. Kindness: the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate
8. Resilience: the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties (see Huddol video below)
9. Stamina: the ability to sustain prolonged physical or mental effort
10. Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another
11. Strength: the capacity to withstand great force or pressure
12. Energy: the strength and vitality required for sustained physical or mental activity
13. Gratitude: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation
14. Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering
15. Guts: toughness of character

Some of these may seem contradictory, but I feel they are in fact complementary. What do you think? Which might you “delete?” What might you add?

These qualities are powerfully captured in a short video by recently launched caregiver community platform Huddol:

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