Joanna Lafleur (left in both the pics above) is the face of the new dementia care industry – or at least I hope she is. Lafleur opened her first Memory Lane Assisted Living home in Michigan in 2016. She was twenty-nine at the time. Two years later, she opened her second home. She’s busy. But that doesn’t stop her from taking the time to ham it up for selfies with residents like Marty, who, from the looks of her silly faces, is loving every minute of it.
“One of the things we teach our caregivers is to take time to be silly or even just to sit quietly. Sometimes we like to make silly faces with our residents or even take selfies. Being silly can be a great redirection tool to get a resident or family member out of a negative mood or a sad day. Try it and let us know if it works for you. And smile. Always.”
You go Joanna!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You said it!” is a place to discover informed comments, inspiring thoughts, short stories, good ideas, provocative opinions, quotable quotes and noteworthy snippets from across my worldwide network.
#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */
Subscribe to MAS now & get 5 free PDFs & a page of welcome links:
Many dementia care partners have learned that going with the flow works magic: it can turn potential disasters into gales of laughter with very little effort. All it takes is a little bit of imagination. I stumbled on a perfect real life example shared by care partner Catherine Bixenman-salesi. in the online dementia support group USAgainst Alzheimer’s.
“My teenaged son often corrects his grandmother, and then suffers the consequences. I, on the other hand, let her stories flow. I also enjoy adding flavour to them. This makes her perk up, and turns her from sad to glad. It also gets her talking, and gesturing with her hands. I help piece the sentences together by filling in every other word, and away we go. Last night, she noticed a commode in her bedroom. She pointed at it and in an angry tone said: ‘Not mine!’ It was a perfect opportunity for some fun.
‘Tell that lazy ass woman to take her belongings with her when she goes,’ I said with a scowl on my face. ‘I have enough work to do here without having to clean up after her!’
Mom burst out laughing. What a joyful sound it was. Of course I laughed too. It seems like a silly thing, but to her it was funny. I could have told her it was hers, which it is, and she would have denied it and become hostile. Instead, I went along with her version of reality. The result? Smiles and laughs all around.”
If you have tried going with the flow and have similar stories to share, I’d love to hear them.
#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */
Subscribe to MAS now & get 5 free PDFs & a page of welcome links:
The Georgeville Neighbours’ Lunch was held (probably still is) the third Thursday of every month starting in late fall and running through to early spring. Mom usually went with her long-time friend Margery, who picked Mom up on her way to the event. Margery was a good friend to Mom. Good friends often become fewer and farther between for people who live with dementia.
When our angel Caroline joined Mom and I, she and Mom went to the Neighbours’ Lunches together. Sometimes I tagged along. The March 2012 lunch was on the 15th, two days before St. Patrick’s Day. Caroline helped Mom get “dolled up” in her best festive green gear, and before they left for the lunch Mom treated us to an impromptu concert in the living room. She didn’t remember all the words to the tunes, but that didn’t matter. It was such a joyful time. Mom sang beautifully and hammed it up, Caroline laughed so hard her cheeks hurt, and I captured what I could on my iPhone. (I’m so grateful for technology.)
By March 2012, Mom had lost her driver’s licence (the spring before), and she needed someone (either Caroline or I) to be with her all the time. She hadn’t been able to cook for herself, with the exception of making toast and tea, for more than a year. Nevertheless, she was still fully engaged with life and the people around her. In the video, you’ll see a puzzle on the table in the background, it’s a big-pieces jigsaw puzzle of Canada. We must have completed that puzzle 25 times during our last year together in her own home. Even Pia, Mom’s long-haired grey cat, got in the act.
I wish I could sing like Mom did. She knew hundreds of songs, a few of which I learned from her during her last years. She and I sang up until a couple of days before she died. Music saved our sanity; it also brought us both happiness and healing. I hope you enjoy this Irish medley as much now as we did in 2012. And oh yeah, Happy St. Patrick’s Day 🙂
#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */
Subscribe to MAS now & get 5 free PDFs & a page of welcome links:
Some people use the stuff that life hands them to create magic and beauty, while others see only despair and tragedy. Dr. Jennifer Bute is one of the magicians.
This video cartoon, developed in collaboration with Bute’s family, is narrated by her daughter Allison; it’s perfect for starting a conversation about dementia with young children:
#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */
Subscribe to MAS now & get 5 free PDFs & a page of welcome links:
“You said it!” is a place to discover informed comments, inspiring thoughts, short stories, good ideas, provocative opinions, quotable quotes and noteworthy snippets from across my worldwide network.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Australia: Dementia care activist Kate Swaffer is known worldwide for her advocacy on behalf of people who live with dementia. She is a founding member of Dementia Alliance International, a speaker, and an author, as well as a wife and mother. She blogs here. The Straits Times article that goes with this video is here.
#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */
Subscribe to MAS now & get 5 free PDFs & a page of welcome links:
When I find a gem, I love to share it. So here’s an introduction to Dr Elaine Eshbaugh’s warm-hearted, funny and insightful blog Welcome to Dementialand.
I’ve extracted five thought-provoking quotes from her post of February 5, 2018, entitled “The Importance (or Lack of Importance of Memories in Dementialand,” which made me chuckle as well as tear up when I read it. One of the five quotes I lifted is pictured above; here are the other four:
“It didn’t matter that what she said made little sense. I will take an illogical and positive conversation over a logical and negative one anytime.”
“I don’t believe anything is ever lost–because it happened. And it shaped our life and the lives of those around us. Forgetting what happened doesn’t negate that.”
“When you don’t recall your past and you don’t have the foresight to think about the future, you reside in the present. And sometimes I am amazed at the joy to be found there.”
“I am in awe at how much people still have to give when their memories fade.”
It saddens me that so many people concentrate on the memory loss associated with Alzheimer disease and other forms of dementia, instead of on the joy that may be found in connecting with the person and the capacities that remain.
If we all just shifted focus slightly, dementialand would be a far better place for those who live with ADRD, as well as for those who accompany them.
#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */
Subscribe to MAS now & get 5 free PDFs & a page of welcome links:
I love to share positive stories about stuff that works to inspire others to create positive change in care environments. This one is from LPN and aging life care specialist Teresa Wheeler who shared it in a response when I posted “hidden restraints: hidden abuse” on LinkedIn:
“In my first management position in the late 1990s, I was given the task of removing all chemical and physical restraints from the residents in the two dementia units I was responsible for. While there were many success stories, Audrey’s is my favorite.
Audrey sat in a geri chair with a Posey vest on for the better part of every day because we were afraid she would fall and break a hip if we let her get up and walk around. In keeping with the goal of a restraint-free environment, I was committed to find a way forward for Audrey. First we tried removing the Posey vest. Not surprisingly, 90-year-old Audrey crawled out of the geri chair. Then we tried a merry walker, and God bless her, Audrey got out of that too.
With the blessing of her family, the staff and I finally decided to let Audrey sit in a wheelchair under the supervision of everyone’s caring and watchful eyes. Whenever she wanted to get up and walk, we would help her stand up and use the rail down the hallway to walk independently.
The result was like a miracle, Audrey walked for several years with only one fall, and that without any broken bones. She was no longer agitated and her quality of life improved substantially. She loved to walk, and we loved that we were able to facilitate her freedom.
It takes a village!”
Teresa Wheeler is the founder of Seasons of Change Consulting; she and her team provide a range of services to empower seniors and their families in Ohio.
Do you have similar success stories to share? Get in touch!
#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */
Subscribe to MAS now & get 5 free PDFs & a page of welcome links:
The telegram my father sent from Vancouver, where I was born, to my maternal grandmother in Montreal to tell her of my arrival on January 28, 1956.
January 28, 2018: I celebrated 60 birthdays with my mom — sixty-one including the actual day I was born, on which my father sent the telegram above to my maternal grandmother. Since Mom’s death in 2016, I’ve marked two birthdays without her physical presence. Even when she was here, we weren’t always together in the same space or location to mark the day she gave birth to her first child, but we connected somehow by phone or by fax when we were continents apart. That’s not possible today.
But it is possible to share some of the joy and fun she and I experienced on two of the last birthdays of mine we lived before she died. We laughed and sang and had wonderful times despite the fact that Mom lived with Alzheimer disease, and despite the neglect and abuse she suffered in ElderJail. Was life easy? No. But it was a lot easier than many others have it. Could things have been better? Yes. But we made the best of it. Should things have been different? Yes. And that’s why I’m a dementia care advocate.
But back to birthdays.
On January 28, 2015, my 59th, Mom was in an usually good mood when I arrived to visit. I had no idea why she greeted me with laughter, but I went with her flow, and we giggled together. I told her it was my birthday, and we joked about how amazingly well I had turned out 😛 (the “slapping” sound is Mom giving me “love taps”):
We liked to joke like that, and have a laugh at our own expense.
On January 28, 2016, after I had fetched Mom from her room, I stopped to convey my wishes to one of the residents whose birthday I shared. On the day I turned 60, she turned 100. In the three years since Mom had been there, I had never seen Mrs. A out of bed or awake. But there she was sitting in a wheelchair in the kitchenette across from the elevator that would take Mom and I to the first floor. There were three balloons tied to Mrs. A’s chair. I stopped to wish her happy birthday. Mom understood every word I said to Mrs. A, and she applauded her centenarian co-resident’s longevity. Then Mom and I got on the elevator, and together we sang She’ll Be Comin’ Round the Mountain on the way down to tea:
There’s no doubt I will have celebrated more birthdays with my mother than without her by the time I die, unless I live beyond 120, which seems unlikely at this point! No matter how much I may have wanted it to be different at certain times in my life, there’s no doubt that we too are one.
#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */
Subscribe to MAS now & get 5 free PDFs & a page of welcome links:
I can’t carry a tune in a bucket. But Mom had a lovely voice, and she knew hundreds of songs, a few of which I learned during our last five years together. I had never heard The Tennessee Waltz before Eric played it in one our healing music sessions, which I started with Mom in November 2013; The Tennessee Waltz quickly became one of my favourites. The 1950 Patti Page mega hit has been covered by some of the world’s most renowned female singers including Connie Francis, Emmylou Harris, Anne Murray, and Bonnie Rait and Norah Jones (see below).
Here’s Mom singing it with Eric and I on January 25, 2014:
Connie Francis (1959):
Patsy Cline (year unknown):
Emmylou Harris (1981):
Anne Murray (year unknown):
Bonnie Rait and Norah Jones (2007):
#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */
Subscribe to MAS now & get 5 free PDFs & a page of welcome links:
When Australian physiotherapist Meggen Lowry forgot her keys (car, house, and others) in the glove box of her partner’s car, she wasn’t bothered. She had a spare for her Subaru 4×4, and that’s all she really needed to drive herself to a full slate of appointments that summer day.
What she didn’t know when she left her flat was the battery in the spare key was dead. That meant she’d have to unlock and lock the vehicle doors manually as she made her way around town to visit her clients.
No problem. Or so she thought.
As it turned out, the forgotten keys, the spare key battery fail, certain design features of her vehicle, and other random circumstances conspired to create a day that went from good to bad to worse. And in the end, a short scribbled note she’d written in the margins of some paperwork five years earlier would prompt her to discover dementia learning amidst the disaster. Here’s the note:
I was charmed by Meggen’s recount of her adventure; I hope you will be too. More important, I appreciated her self-reflection and spot-on connection at the story’s conclusion.
I wonder if you’ll agree…? (Meggen starts telling her story at about 01:35 into the podcast below).
Meggen Lowry is the Principal physiotherapist at Next Step Physio in Brisbane, Australia. She is passionate about healthy ageing, and serves on her state’s gerontology board of the Australian Physiotherapy Association. Meggen champions movement as medicine for both the body and the brain. She partners with aged and community care organisations to enhance access to both PREhabilitation and rehabilitation services for older adults, and promotes inclusion for those with cognitive impairment. Meggen developed Clock Yourself; an exercise program that combines brain games with physical exercise. See www.clockyourself.com.au for details.
#mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; } /* Add your own MailChimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. */
Subscribe to MAS now & get 5 free PDFs & a page of welcome links:
Meggen Lowry is the Principal physiotherapist at Next Step Physio in Brisbane, Australia. She is passionate about healthy ageing, and serves on her state’s gerontology board of the Australian Physiotherapy Association. Meggen champions movement as medicine for both the body and the brain. She partners with aged and community care organisations to enhance access to both PREhabilitation and rehabilitation services for older adults, and promotes inclusion for those with cognitive impairment. Meggen developed Clock Yourself; an exercise program that combines brain games with physical exercise. See 
My Alzheimer's Story 
Joanna Lafleur (left in both the pics above) is the face of the new dementia care industry – or at least I hope she is. Lafleur opened her first Memory Lane Assisted Living home in Michigan in 2016. She was twenty-nine at the time. Two years later, she opened her second home. She’s busy. But that doesn’t stop her from taking the time to ham it up for selfies with residents like Marty, who, from the looks of her silly faces, is loving every minute of it.
Lafleur says: