Resources, Tips, tools & skills, Toward better care

30 powerful things you could say to reduce anxiety and anger, and connect with people who live with alzheimer disease

When people who live with alzheimer disease and other dementias (PLWD) feel threatened or afraid, they react just like most other living things with one of three responses: fight, flight, or freeze. These normal responses are often pathologized in PLWD. When they “fight” back, it’s called “being combative,” or “aggressive behviour.” When they try to flee, it may be labeled as “wandering,” or “exit seeking behaviour.” This unfortunate labeling often leads to PLWD being medicated and/or sedated instead of understood.

How can dementia care partners help reduce anxiety and anger, and thus the responses they generate? I talk about five proven strategies here. Likewise, love, support and compassion can help defuse a crisis situation, calm troubled waters, and help create positive outcomes while averting unwanted ones. In fact, understanding and appreciation (when we mean it of course!) can help lay the foundation for better relationships with everyone, whether they live with dementia or not.

Here are 30 specific things (and lots of additional ideas) care partners and care workers might say to help people who live with dementia feel good about themselves and their relationships:

1) I love you
2) I understand that you feel angry/anxious/afraid/unhappy/sad/hurt/trapped/confused/upset/lost
3) You have a right to feel angry/anxious/afraid/unhappy/sad/hurt/trapped/confused/upset/lost
4) This is maddening/hard/scary/upsetting/unfair/difficult/confusing
5) You are right / I agree
6) It’s not your fault
7) I’m sorry
8) You are special to me
9) I see you and I hear you
10) You’re not alone
11) You don’t have to be afraid
12) I’m proud of you
13) I have confidence in you
14) I will hold your hand
15) You are important to me
16) Your life is precious
17) The world is a better place with you in it
18) I see your spirit shining
19) I’m lucky to have you
20) I want to learn from you
21) You are beautiful
22) You are one of the best things in my life
23) I value the time we spend together
24) Your opinion is important, and you count
25) I feel good when we’re together
26) You have taught me many things
27) I’m grateful for all you have done for me
28) I love the way you: live your life / talk / sing / notice small things / smile / laugh / look / tell jokes / cut carrots / butter bread / compliment others / take care of yourself / take care of others / share your time with me / tell stories about your life / take pleasure in small things / want the best in life / keep going / fight for your rights / speak volumes in silence / make your voice heard / assert yourself / are kind to others / have lived your life / take the bull by the horns / don’t give up
29) I enjoy: holding your hand / singing with you / preparing meals with you / listening to music with you / just being with you / walking with you / seeing you smile / hearing your voice / watching the birds with you / picking flowers with you / hearing you tell stories / sharing memories with you / being inspired by you / witnessing your courage / spending time with you / helping you live as you want to / your sense of humour / dancing with you / living with you / appreciating good days with you / helping you / seeing you thrive / the sound of your voice / the touch of your hand / the look in your eye / our relationship
30) I’m glad: we’re spending time together / you are still with me in this world / you are my… (mother/father/brother/sister/husband/wife/daughter/son/friend) / we know each other / you love me / you are in my life / we share joyful moments together / we overcome challenges together / we have each other / we’re connected
30) You are: amazing / beautiful / smart / my hero / helpful / wise / clever / funny / huggable / lovable / my friend / inspiring / courageous / brave / determined / strong / precious to me / capable / loving / patient / feisty / perceptive / insightful / knowing / gentle/ perfect just the way you are

Suggestion: use the words, attributes and experiences that have the most meaning to you and your care partner/client.

https://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/10/16/im-sorry-is-hard-but-it-may-also-be-the-most-powerful-part-of-bangs/

https://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/05/20/7-powerful-things-a-care-partner-can-say-to-stop-anger-and-aggression-in-a-person-with-dementia/

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Resources, Tips, tools & skills, Toward better care

5 ways to help people who live with alzheimer not ‘fade away’

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Alzheimer’s disease has an unusual distinction: It’s the illness that Americans fear most — more than cancer, stroke or heart disease. The rhetoric surrounding Alzheimer’s reflects this. People “fade away” and are tragically “robbed of their identities” as this incurable condition progresses, we’re told time and again.

Yet, a sizable body of research suggests this Alzheimer’s narrative is mistaken. It finds that people with Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia retain a sense of self and have a positive quality of life, overall, until the illness’s final stages.

They appreciate relationships. They’re energized by meaningful activities and value opportunities to express themselves. And they enjoy feeling at home in their surroundings.

“Do our abilities change? Yes. But inside we’re the same people,” said John Sandblom, 57, of Ankeny, Iowa, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s seven years ago.

Dr. Peter Rabins, a psychiatrist and co-author of “The 36-Hour Day,” a guide for Alzheimer patients’ families, summarized research findings this way: “Overall, about one-quarter of people with dementia report a negative quality of life, although that number is higher in people with severe disease.”

“I’ve learned something from this,” admitted Rabins, a professor at the University of Maryland. “I’m among the people who would have thought, ‘If anything happens to my memory, my ability to think, I can’t imagine anything worse.’

“But I’ve seen that you can be a wonderful grandparent and not remember the name of the grandchild you adore. You can be with people you love and enjoy them, even if you’re not following the whole conversation.”

The implication: Promoting well-being is both possible and desirable in people with dementia, even as people struggle with memory loss, slower cognitive processing, distractibility and other symptoms.

“There are many things that caregivers, families and friends can do — right now — to improve people’s lives,” said Dr. Allen Power, author of “Dementia Beyond Disease: Enhancing Well-Being” and chair for aging and dementia innovation at the Schlegel-University of Waterloo Research Institute for Aging in Canada.

Of course, the final stages of Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia are enormously difficult, and resources to help caregivers are scarce — problems that shouldn’t be underestimated.

Still, up to 80 percent of people with dementia are in the mild and moderate stages. Here are some elements of their quality of life that should be attended to:

1 ) Focus On Health

One notable study analyzed lengthy discussions between people with dementia, caregivers and professionals at six meetings of Alzheimer’s Disease International, an association of Alzheimer’s societies across the world.

Those discussions emphasized the importance of physical health: being free from pain, well-fed, physically active and well-groomed, having continence needs met, being equipped with glasses and hearing aids and not being overmedicated. Cognitive health was also a priority. People wanted “cognitive rehabilitation” to help them learn practical techniques for promoting memory or compensating for memory loss.

Up to 40 percent of people with Alzheimer’s disease suffer from significant depression, and research by Rabins and colleagues underscores the importance of evaluating and offering treatment to someone who appears sad, apathetic and altogether disinterested in life.

2 ) Foster Social Connections

Being connected with and involved with other people is a high priority for people with dementia. Based on research conducted over several decades, Rabins listed social interaction as one of the five essential elements of a positive quality of life.

But fear, discomfort and misunderstanding routinely disrupt relationships once a diagnosis is revealed.

“The saddest thing that I hear, almost without exception, from people all over the world is that family, friends and acquaintances desert them,” said Sandblom, who runs a weekly online support group for Dementia Alliance International, an organization for people with dementia that he co-founded in January 2014.

3 ) Adapt Communication

Not knowing how to communicate with someone with dementia is a common problem.

Laura Gitlin, a dementia researcher and director of The Center for Innovative Care in Aging at Johns Hopkins School of Nursing, offered these suggestions in an article in the International Encyclopedia of Rehabilitation: Speak slowly, simply and calmly, make one or two points at a time, allow someone sufficient time to respond, avoid the use of negative words, don’t argue, eliminate noise and distraction, make eye contact but don’t stare, and express affection by smiling, holding hands or giving a hug.

Also, understand that people with dementia perceive things differently.

“You have to understand that when you have dementia you lose a lot of your natural perceptions of what others are doing,” Sandblom said. “So, a lot of us get a little nervous or suspicious. I think that’s a natural human reaction to knowing that you’re not picking up on things very well.”

4 ) Address Unmet Needs

Needs that aren’t recognized or addressed can cause significant distress and a lower quality of life. Rather than treat the distress, Power suggested, try to understand the underlying cause and do something about it.

Which needs are commonly unmet? In a study published in 2013, Rabins and colleagues identified several: managing patients’ risk of falling (unmet almost 75 percent of the time); addressing health and medical concerns (unmet, 63 percent); engaging people in meaningful activities (53 percent); and evaluating homes so that they’re safe and made easier to navigate (45 percent).

5 ) Respect Autonomy And Individuality

Rabins called this “awareness of self” and listed it among the essential components of a positive quality of life. Sandblom called this “being seen as a whole person, not as my disease.”

At the Alzheimer’s Disease International meetings, people spoke of being listened to, valued and given choices that allowed them to express themselves. They said they wanted to be respected and have their spirituality recognized, not patronized, demeaned or infantilized.

In a review of 11 studies that asked people with dementia what was important to them, they said they wanted to experience autonomy and independence, feel accepted and understood, and not be overly identified with their illness.

None of this is easy. But strategies for understanding what people with dementia experience and addressing their needs can be taught. This should become a priority, Rabins said, adding that “improved quality of life should be a primary outcome of all dementia treatments.”

https://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/05/29/101-activities-you-can-enjoy-with-a-person-living-with-alzheimers-dementia/

https://myalzheimersstory.com/2014/06/16/5-things-i-never-knew-until-i-sang-with-my-alzheimers-mom/

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Resources, Tips, tools & skills, Toward better care

7 ways to preserve dignity

 

There’s lots of talk about preserving the dignity of people who are vulnerable, including the elderly and infirm, those who are differently abled, those who are approaching end of life and those who live with dementia, among others. But how can we actually do that?

Reflecting on what dignity is might be a good place to begin. Here’s are three definitions to kick-start the process:

1) the state or quality of being worthy of honour or respect.

2) a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect.

3) An individual or group’s sense of self-respect and self-worth, physical and psychological integrity and empowerment.

Beyond that, here are seven ways to preserve the dignity of others, and in the process preserve your own (downloadable the PDF below):

Deepen your understanding
Identify & satisfy needs and wants
Give freely from your heart
Never patronize, infantilize or demonize
Imagine yourself in their shoes
Tear down biases & barriers
Yearn to collaborate, not to control

See 5 ways we rob people who live with dementia of their dignity, and 10 practical ways to preserve the dignity of people who live with dementia.

https://myalzheimersstory.com/2016/04/23/5-ways-we-rob-people-with-dementia-of-their-dignity/

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Resources, Tips, tools & skills, Toward better care

10 practical ways care partners can help preserve the dignity of people who live with dementia

One of the most shared posts on MyAlzheimersStory.com is this 5 ways we rob people with dementia of their dignity; so far it’s had 10k+ shares on Facebook alone. Dignity is clearly important to people who live with dementia and their care partners. So how can we, as care partners, actively preserve people’s dignity as they live with dementia? Dr. Allen Power shared some thoughts in this article: Dignity: What It Is, Why It Matters, and How to Express It, and I took the liberty of extracting some of the tips that appear at the end of it. Here they are:

1 ) Learn and use optimal communication techniques so that people are well understood and can understand you. Also learn how they prefer to be addressed. (Susan notes: BTW and FYI, this is how I don’t want to be addressed if and when I get Alzheimer disease.)

2 ) Never enter a person’s home or room without identifying yourself and securing permission to enter and engage with them.

3 ) Engage the person as an equal: at eye level or below (See Teepa Snow’s Hand Under Hand (TM) technique), speak to them as you would an adult, not a child, with appropriate pacing and enunciation for them to hear you; and with body language and attention that shows your openness and sincerity.

4 ) Always connect with the person before launching into any task.

5 ) Solicit frequent input and have the person direct all care as far as she is able. Check in frequently. Use Dr. Power’s acronym “SEE”: Slow down, Engage, Empower.

6 ) Do tasks with people, not to them or for them. Engage the person during any tasks; do not treat them like an object.

7 ) Remember: “no” means “no.” Never force care on a person who is declining. (Here’s an example of what can happen when people are forced.)

8 ) Do not argue (more on that here) with or deny what people are feeling or expressing. Seek to understand their perspective.

9 ) Always describe the person with words that you would want used to describe you. Do not use pejorative labels (e.g. “wanderer,” “sufferer,”) or terms that objectify or blame people.

10 ) Be open to learning from the person. Dr. Power’s advice on reframing engagement? “In any interaction, assume the other person is smarter than you are.”

More from Dr. Power on this topic here: Dignity: What It Is, Why It Matters, and How to Express It. His books are available on Amazon here: Dementia Beyond Drugs: Changing the Culture of Care, and here: Dementia Beyond Disease: Enhancing Well-Being; I’ve lifted some great pieces of wisdom from the first book here, and the second one here.

https://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/06/09/10-teepa-snow-videos-on-dementia-basics/

https://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/08/28/teepa-snow-demos-10-ways-to-calm-a-crisis-with-a-person-living-with-alzheimers-dementia/

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