Tag: abilities

Family, Life & Living, Little things count, Love, Videos

10-day-old wyatt meets his great-grandma for the first time

My Alzheimer's Story

*Trigger warning:* beautiful and moving video below. Tissues recommended.

Care partners by the thousands share their joys, sorrows, challenges and solutions in Facebook groups and FB communities–it’s one way to feel connected and be supported by others sailing in similar boats.  The posts are both heart-wrenching and heartwarming, often making me laugh and cry at the same time. One of Sherri Sturm’s stood out from all the others. I asked her if she would let me “go public” with it; she generously agreed.

Sherri described what took place, and shared some video clips with me:

“My mom Sharon is in the later stages of Alzheimer disease. Still, I wanted her to meet Wyatt, my 10-day-old grandson, and her great-grandson. I wasn’t sure how she would react, since she appears to have lost the ability to communicate with words. It feels like she doesn’t understand what we say to her, and she seems not to know any of us either.

Mom has always loved babies, and I thought she might enjoy holding Wyatt. I put him carefully in her arms; she immediately and naturally cradled him. When he put his hand near her mouth, I was afraid she might bite it, mistaking it for food. Instead, she kissed it gently, and mumbled to him. When I made a motion to take him back, she clearly communicated with her body language that she wanted to hold him a little longer. These were such beautiful, precious moments:

This experience showed me that we will never know what someone living with dementia at this stage really thinks, feels or understands. My advice? Don’t discount your loved one with dementia regardless of how they appear on the outside. They are still very much whom they are deep down inside. Treasure every moment, and include them in special occasions and life celebrations whenever you can. You will never regret it.”

Beautiful and precious indeed.

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Activities, Inspiration, Life & Living, Videos

going out dancing

My Alzheimer's Story

Living well, eating well, and getting plenty of exercise are the best ways of staying healthy overall, aging well and delaying or even staving off  Alzheimer disease and other dementias.

Walking is among the best exercises you can do (I walk for about an hour and a half each day), but more fun than walking in my opinion is dancing – especially when you do it in a group. It’s energizing and fun. Plus, learning something new like these seniors are with the hip-hop moves in this video helps create new pathways in the brain, which is thought to be a great way to develop “brain muscle.” AND, If that weren’t enough exercise like this releases endorphins that help people maintain a positive attitude.

So it’s all good. No downside. Yay for music. Yay for dancing.

By the way, can you guess which one of these hip-hop dancers has dementia?

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Joy, Life & Living, Love, Videos

when mind and body fail, look for the dancer inside

My Alzheimer's Story
Alice Barker chorus line dancer
Chorus line dancer Alice Barker in her youth

November 23, 2015: Mom was determined to get up and move today. I was glad I was there to hold her hands and shuffle several circles around the drawing room with her.

“You’re walking so well Mom,” I said, remembering how she used to love to dance.

“I know,” she said. “I’m good at walking.”

We also sang and talked this afternoon. When I look at her now, I want to enable her to live every moment as fully as she can. I also see her as she once was, and know she has a had full life with many joys and sorrows. I celebrate that too.

When I got home this afternoon, I found a message in my inbox from my friend Rebecca; there was a video attached. It’s of 102-year-old former chorus line dancer Alice Barker watching herself dance. In the video, she explains why they called her “Chicken Little” in her heyday.

I notice her lovely smile and her beautifully manicured nails as she lies in the hospital bed, and I’m grateful for others like me who believe in giving their elders as many small pleasures and moments of joy as possible on the last leg of their journey.

A voice off camera asks Alice Barker how she feels about seeing herself dance so long ago.

“Making me wish I could get out of this bed and do it all over again,” she replies.

 

Of course I cried. Who wouldn’t?

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Joy, Life & Living, Love, Videos

when mind and body fail, look for the dancer inside

My Alzheimer's Story

 

Alice Barker chorus line dancer
Chorus line dancer Alice Barker in her youth

When I got home this afternoon, I found a message in my inbox from my friend Rebecca; there was a video attached.

It’s of 102-year-old former chorus line dancer Alice Barker watching herself dance.

In the video, she explains why they called her “Chicken Little” in her heyday.

I notice her lovely smile and her beautifully manicured nails as she lies in the hospital bed, and I’m grateful for others like me who believe in giving their elders as many small pleasures and moments of joy as possible on the last leg of their journey.

A voice off camera asks Alice Barker how she feels about seeing herself dance so long ago.

“Making me wish I could get out of this bed and do it all over again,” she replies.

Of course I cried. Who wouldn’t? Continue reading “when mind and body fail, look for the dancer inside” →

Care Partnering, Challenges & Solutions, Resources

21 items on our dementia “no longer” lists

My Alzheimer's Story

 

Purple/pink Gerbera daisies enjoying spring by a window
Purple/pink Gerbera daisies enjoying spring by a window

Dementia care partnering involves ample give-and-take, and even more important, a lot of letting go.

The more the care partner who does not have dementia can free themselves of unproductive thoughts, feelings and behaviours the easier it is on everybody. We must be sensitive to the fact that the capacity of a person with dementia to use logic, reason, and common sense may decline as the disease progresses. That doesn’t mean their humanity diminishes or that they become any less a person. It simply means their abilities differ from ours. It’s up to us to adjust our behaviour to fit theirs to reduce stress and anxiety, as well as to enhance communication, connection and well-being.

I belong to about a dozen great Facebook dementia caregiver support groups. Cheryl Morris Siciliano, one of the members of “Memory people” posted a list of the things she had let go of in the process of caring for her parent who has Alzheimer’s disease. Her “no longers” generated hundreds of comments from people who agreed with the importance of letting go of stuff that isn’t useful.

Here’s Siciliano’s list:

  1. I no longer have to be right about anything
  2. I no longer insist on matching clothes
  3. I no longer try to explain everything
  4. I no longer cry in front of Mom
  5. I no longer correct her
  6. I no longer apologize for her actions
  7. I no longer mention outings or parties more than a day in advance
  8. I no longer think I am the only one in this battle
  9. I no longer get mad or frustrated
  10. I no longer try to control her spending
  11. I no longer question
  12. I no longer feel guilty
  13. I no longer feel bad about the past
  14. I no longer fear her
  15. I am no longer uptight

.Others added:

  1. I no longer feel the need to be truthful about the loved ones who have passed on
  2. I no longer care about what others think or say

I would tack these on:

  1. I no longer feel bad if s/he says hurtful things to me
  2. I no longer care if s/he recognizes me
  3. I no longer worry about tomorrow
  4. I no longer wish s/he were someone other than who s/he is

Do you care for someone with dementia? Or have you in the past? What do/did you no longer do to make your life and the life of your care partner more joyful and less stressful?

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