No one escapes grief and suffering. But a good number of dementia care partners seem to have more than their fair share. Many are devastated by what they experience as the slow and cruel death of loved ones as they watch them disappear before their very eyes.
I’m fortunate to have never felt like my mom was disappearing, or that I had lost her, or that she was “a shell.” Rather, in some ways I felt she was more her true self than ever. So I didn’t mourn losing her as she lived with dementia, together we made the best of it. But I do mourn her death, maybe I always will.
Care partners express grief, mourning and loss in different ways. One of them is to cry. I’ve always been okay with tears, maybe because I’m well-practiced at crying, which I do randomly on a regular basis. I embrace tears no matter their source, just as I try to be fully present in all of my emotions–not always easy, but rewarding nevertheless.
This poem is about grief, sorrow and tears, and how sometimes it’s good to just let them be.
let me weep
© 2017 punkie
if i should cry
please let me be
it’s just the grief
you cannot see
a pit, a chasm
of black despair
in which i clutch
and gasp for air
the canyon widens
through my chest
its river a torrent
of waves and crests
please leave me here
awash in sorrow
and let me weep
until tomorrow
© 2017 Susan Macaulay. I invite you to share my posts widely, but please do not reprint or reblog or copy and paste my poems and posts into other blogs or social media without my permission. Thank you.
https://myalzheimersstory.com/2016/12/14/missing-you/
https://myalzheimersstory.com/2017/04/05/dont-mourn-me-long/
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My Alzheimer's Story 
That is beautiful, Susan, and could be applied to any great loss in one’s life–not just someone lost to Alzheimer’s. Very touching.
There were times when I wished I could weep because I think it is healing on many levels…but I could just never allow myself to really just let it all go. It was as if- I “let it go” what would I have left of that person inside me…..I dunno….crazy thought I guess. But then, we are all a little crazy when we deal with what seems an insurmountable loss.
Love to you- Diana
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Thanks Diana, I agree it applies to everything, and everyone for that matter. Thanks for sharing your own personal story about grieving – you’re so right that we all go a little crazy when dealing with something like insurmountable loss. Maybe because we need to.
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This is beautiful – sharing widely (including with friend Julie Keon who wrote the wonderful book What I Would Tell You – she’s a mother of her daughter Meredith who is very medically complex). And I’ll share with Eleanor Silverberg, another terrific caregiver grief expert http://www.eleanorsilverberg.com/about-eleanor. Thank you for your wonderful reflections!
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Thanks Donna, that’s very kind. I only started writing poetry about three years ago, and I’m very much stuck in a nursery rhyme/rhyming couplet/Dr. Seuss mode, but it’s what pleases me, and puts a smile on my face 🙂
Here are a couple of uplifting ones I think you might like:
https://myalzheimersstory.com/2017/11/14/all-fixed-up-a-lighthearted-ode-to-our-broken-bits/
http://amazingsusan.com/2016/01/01/deal-yourself-a-new-hand/
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