47 things family dementia care partners say they’ve learned

Most family members who are dementia care partners will tell you that the role into which they have been unwillingly drafted is one of the toughest, if not THE toughest thing they’ve ever done. And yet, many will also tell you that plenty of learning goes on as well.

Here’s what they said when I asked family members who are also dementia care partners to fill in the blank in this sentence: “I’ve learned ____________.”

1. I’m only human
2. shit happens
3. I am the only one I can depend on
4. housework isn’t a priority
5. a little lying can be a good thing
6. you can’t control anyone else but you
7. not to waste a moment of my life on negative feelings like bitterness, jealousy, or anger
8. I am stronger than I ever thought I could be and weaker than I ever wished to be
9. joy and healing are possible even the in the midst of tragedy and despair
10. people who tell you to be a vocal advocate often get frustrated when you become one
11. life is fleeting and love is enduring
12. I have control over how I react and respond
13. some day is today
14. who I am doesn’t depend on what I do
15. dementia does not rob a person of who she is
16. caring is not what you say, it’s what you do
17. all things pass
18. people with dementia behave like the rest of us
19. love prevails
20. I’m great at counting to 10
21. you never know what’s going on in someone else’s mind
22. that people are much more than the disease they may have
23. if I can make my loved one smile, my day isn’t so bad
24. that everything is relative
25. who my friends are
26. how amazing my friends are
27. how little I need
28. how to redirect
29. to live in the moment
30. to love unconditionally
31. to breathe and wait
32. to let love in
33. to look at life differently
34. to listen with my heart
35. to live with the glass half full
36. to not sweat the small stuff
37. to slow down
38. to expect the unexpected
39. to pick my battles
40. to enjoy our time together
41. to see humour in small things
42. to make conversation about anything
43. to see the beauty in small ways
44. to never take things or people for granted
45. to invest in those who are really here for me
46. to be non-judgemental
47. to say i love you more often

There are 15 more learnings here.

Being a family dementia care partner is a roller coaster of tragically raw and sometimes uplifting emotions. It can also be a tremendous learning experience if we choose to let it teach us. What have you learned so far?

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