This is a dark piece of poetry. Like the joyful, tender pieces I write, this poem was born of the powerful emotions and unexpected circumstances in which I found myself involuntarily immersed. I was trapped in a multitude of ways by forces beyond my control. My heart was in a jar; I was bound, gagged and tortured. I gave; but I did not give in. I grieved; but I did not give up. Thank you for reading, listening and watching, and thus validating my experience.
broken doors and a gun to my head
a poem by punkie
today like every other warm summer dementia day
i liberate my jailed heart and free it and me
because we love to be out where
life lives but where no one
else cares to take us
besides ourselves
and few can
go now
so
i push the escape button on the white wall
and the door opens half of halfway
because it’s still cracked and
broken like this place is
and no one wants to
hear me or my
core self no
way no
how
i gag on words and spit through bars and
leave abusive sins unspoken for the
sake of sharing this space for a
pair of daily hours even
if love sleeps and so
won’t know i am
here with old
hands in
mine
wicked ugly wounds weep bloody yellow pus
that collects in clear pools then runs
down to feet that can’t anymore
and screams why we must
start from a scratch
and create better
because to fix
this is too
hard
yet see how the boat rocks and pitches as
pl/r/ayers cling to gunwales for fear
they’ll drown in waves of their
own lies and i watch and
wait for the day a gun
is held to my head
cocked, pulled
then shot:
bang!
and if i’m not back again this time
tomorrow carry on with one
foot in front of the other
because it may be the
bitter dead end
of me or not
we’ll all
see
…
© 2015/2017 Susan Macaulay I invite you to share the links widely, but please do not reprint or reblog or copy and paste my poems into other social media without my permission. Thank you.
https://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/04/16/10-poems-i-didnt-want-to-write/
https://myalzheimersstory.com/2017/06/21/5-more-poems-i-didnt-want-to-write/
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Intense. I hear you.
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Being heard means a lot. A big lot.
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