50 ways to love your mother

I’d been a daughter for 60 years when I wrote the list below with the help of friends and followers. You’d think I would have been and expert at it. Nope. I was still learning. Still exploring. Still discovering what it meant to me. The previous 10 years had changed the way I thought about daughterhood.

I asked friends and followers to share what it meant to them to be a “good daughter.” The diversity of their responses reminded me how individual our paths and relationships are. Inspired by their thoughts and Paul Simon’s tune 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, I created a list of 50 Ways to Love Your Mother.

It would seem there is no one right way to be a good daughter. Only we can be the judge of our relationships.

50 Ways to Love Your Mother

1. be caring, sensitive, and aware
2. do well in school, don’t get into trouble with the law, stay clean and sober, don’t “sleep around” or have children out of wedlock
3. know your daughterly duties and responsibilities
4. question everything and be a rebel; question nothing and be a conformist
5. keep in contact when you’re away
6. do all you reasonably can lovingly
7. take care of her when she’s sick
8. understand her humanity and your own
9. respect her wishes
10. respect yourself
11. advocate for her if she can’t advocate for herself
12. do little things for her
13. ensure she has good food, good shelter and good clothing
14. care for her out of love, even when it’s not easy
15. take what she taught you and build on it to become an extension of her with your own dreams, aspirations, and desires
16. become a beautiful friend as well as a daughter
17. stay close by her side to help her as much as you can
18. travel far and wide to seek and find your own fortune
19. be a good person
20. understand neither of you is perfect
21. forgive her and yourself
22. grow into the person God meant you to be
23. follow your heart’s desire and your dreams, and never forget who birthed you
24. make her proud
25. stick up for yourself and defend your rights
26. stick up for her and defend her rights
27. follow in her footsteps, replicate her life
28. avoid making the same mistakes she did, lead a life unlike any she would have dreamed possible
29. do stuff with her that brings her joy and pleasure
30. protect yourself, even from her if need be
31. know when to walk to away and know when to stay
32. practice patience; practice more patience
33. give her love and support when she needs it
34. visit her regularly and spend quality time with her
35. conquer your  fears
36. share your joys and sorrows, laugh and cry with her
37. speak your mind
38. heal your wounds
39. listen, listen, listen to her
40. think, think, think for yourself
41. see and appreciate her for who she is
42. love yourself because of yourself and despite yourself
43. be loyal and compassionate
44. eat sensibly, call home and drive carefully
45. be your own person; have your own life
46. be a good girl; be a bad girl
47. live purposefully and do your best
48. get up and keep going after you fall or fail
49. hold her hand when you cross the road
50. tell great, funny and touching stories at her funeral

This is by no means an exhaustive list. What would your mother’s list for you look like? What would your list for your daughter(s) look like?

Thanks to these daughters who collectively have about 1,000 years’ experience as such for sharing their thoughts with me:

Sally M, Belinda B., Joan L., Tami Beth L., Alice J.D.Y., Mona N. Rosario V.B. Wyld H., Kathleen M., Sheila S., Helen J. M., Mary M., Joan L., Kathy B., Glenna C., Suzette S., Edith R., British D.S., Alice J. D. Y., Jan R., Kim A. S., Denise A., Siempre M., Stephanie R. J., Alison R., Rebecca B., Beverly D., Suzette S., Sally M., Kathy B., Debie O., Carolyn T., Molly C-K.

Thanks to Tami Beth L. for this particularly touching story. And oh yeah, thanks also to Paul Simon for helping us in our struggle to be free 🙂

https://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/11/16/joys-and-tears-these-last-three-years/

https://myalzheimersstory.com/2018/11/16/a-daughters-rendering-and-remembering/

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Take my short survey on behaviour here.